Family Time

Back to the Future

When I was young, Whitney Houston had a hit song with these lyrics: “I believe the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way …” I remember this song being played all over the place, and so many people singing along with the radio. It’s a shame that the sentiment expressed in those lyrics have fallen to the wayside in our society, both in and out of the church.
As the pastor for youth and family, I have a passion for Christian covenantal families. Being a product of a broken family that suffered from many familial dysfunctions, I am fully aware of what kind of spiritual and emotional damage that can be done to children who are not raised in the loving and merciful Scriptural standards and boundaries. And, as I am entering into my 30s, I look around and see so many discarded carcasses of the covenantal family – and it is all being done in the name of self.
I had a pastor recently tell me that a large amount of problems with families stems directly from the selfish attitudes of parents, and how they mistakenly view their calling as parents. Providentially, the same day this pastor made this remark to me was the same day a devotion was emailed to me, detailing a mother’s struggle with this same thing. Here are some things that were mentioned in this devotion:
When my third child was born, my oldest was three. And they were all active boys … In those difficult three years I kept trying to regain my old life. An organizer and leader by nature, I’d volunteer to oversee something at church and then make my kids and me miserable trying to get it done. My heart is heavy when I remember the times I dragged my three little boys to one event or another, only to leave angry and in tears because they couldn’t sit still … instead of accepting my life as it was, I plowed ahead, wanting to serve God and feeling certain He was pleased with my sacrifices … what I know now is that sometimes God calls us to a new mission field that on the surface looks like we’ve been called out of the “game”, but nothing could be further from the truth! Instead I missed the opportunity to minister more deeply to my children … I wish someone had told me that God would not forget me, that I was right where He wanted me, and that I should relax and see the opportunities He had placed in front of me.
These are powerful words of regret from a mother who loved her family. But, notice what she said – she sacrificed her family all in order to regain her old self. She lost sight that God wasn’t calling her back to her old self, but that He had given her a ministry of the here and now – and this ministry was her family! Her Father in heaven had called her to be a mother to three sons – three sons she was to minister to by being a Godly mother.
God places a very high importance on the family. He relates to us in a familiar sense – He is our Father and we are his beloved children who have the privilege of calling Him “Abba, Father”. He loves the family so much that He gives instructions on how the family should be ministered to (Deuteronomy 6). God so desires that the covenantal family will be successful that He outlines what a Godly mother and wife is to be (Proverbs 31). He even tells husbands that they are to love their wives like He has sacrificially loved the church (Ephesians 5). God is not silent on the family … not in the least bit. Rather, God has spoken to families through His word – He has told each covenantal family what He lovingly desires of them. To have a family is a high calling from God.
Interestingly, when God talks about families, He never talks about ‘self’. He never equates a successful mother and father with ‘self’. Rather, it is the absence of self – a Godly parent is one who never focuses on him or her self. No – this parent always looks to God first and longs for God to be honored in the home and in the family. It is never their selves who comes first – it always the will of God in all things.
The covenantal children of the home are indeed the future of the church – these little ones may be future elders, deacons, pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc. They need to be loved and cared in the same way that God has loved and cared for us. Can you think of a higher selfless act than the sacrifice of an only son, all in order for a relationship to be repaired with a rebellious child? That is exactly what the Father in heaven did … He sent His son in order to call you out of rebellion. Parents – let me ask you the very blunt question: do you selflessly love your children? Are you emulating the love of the Heavenly Father with your children? Do they truly come first in all things and in all ways? This is the mission field that God has called each parent to. Fathers and mothers – are you answering this call? Are you ministering to the family that God has so blessed you with?
Soli Deo Gloria – Pastor James